A Railway Advertisement Written In a Dream

01 OCT 2014

   There is now so much talk going on about a new India that I have started dreaming that utopia is round the corner. Last night I had a dream. I dreamt that the Chairman of the Railway Board rang me up and asked me to write an advertisement inviting applications for the post of General Manager (Passenger Comforts) of Indian Railways. I even drafted the advertisement in my dream. Here it is:

Indian Railway Requires
A General Manager (Passenger Comforts)
Who Is Still A Common Man

Experience: 15 years as a senior officer in Indian Railways, with appropriate experience of travelling in air-conditioned upper-class coaches and staying in upper-class waiting rooms. However, you should still be a common man.

Job Description:

1. You will have to travel, in disguise, for 15 days every month, in various trains and in various classes.

2. On these journeys you will have to stay in both lower-class and upper-class waiting rooms.

3. You must buy, and use, your own tickets: unreserved, wait-listed, RAC, reserved, Tatkal. You will not be permitted to use your office staff or your friends or your relatives to buy your tickets.

4. During these 15 days you will eat only the food available on the trains and on railway platforms.

5. You must strictly use only the toilets in the trains.- both western and Indian.

6. You must carry your own luggage, or you may use the services of coolies, but you may not use railway staff.

7. All expenses will be reimbursed, without any questions, with or without supporting bills, as long as they are adequately described.

8. On your train journeys, you will have to immediately note down your observations and suggestions and submit them online directly to the Railway Board. For this you will be provided an assistant with the necessary online communication equipment; this assistant will always travel with you. You will also have to solicit and record the feedback of some fellow passengers.

9. During the remaining 15 days, you will have to work closely with the General Manager (Passenger Services Delivery) to ensure that all passenger feedback and your observations are seriously taken into consideration by the other departments of Indian Railways and acted upon.

10. If your suggestions are implemented, Indian Railways will duly publicise the contributions of the various departments which participated in the effort.

11. If your suggestions cannot be implemented, Indian Railways will advertise this fact too and solicit the help of other consultants.

Salary: Rs. 1,000,000 per month, plus/minus a variable sum depending on scientifically obtained passenger feedback. You will receive a special attractive bonus for every possible passenger problem which you can identify BEFORE the passenger complains about it.

Please apply quickly, before I wake up!

One affected Indian Bakra/bakri in the service of the people of India.