The ultimate toilet training classroom is on an Indian Railways train!

10 DEC 2014

Swachh Indian Railways:

   No Indian can consider himself to be completely toilet trained, unless he has successfully used the toilet on an Indian Railways train) or in a railway station waiting room bathroom.

A well-travelled friend has compiled some helpful tips for the benefit of those who have to respond to nature's call when they are on a train. He has published these tips in a small booklet which he calls "The Ultimate Train Toilet Training Manual". The training manual is applicable on any Indian Railways train.

Here are the important parts of the manual:

1. Open the toilet door (if the handle is not missing) and enter carefully (so as to avoid any filth on the toilet floor).

2. 2. Spend a minute (or two) getting acclimatized to the typical railway toilet smell.

3. Check to see whether the fixtures are fixed on the water taps (they may be stolen at times).

4. Check whether the taps work, and whether the water flows through the tap when the tap is opened.

5. Check whether the washbasin is clogged with filth.

6. Check whether the toilet flush is working.

7. If the toilet is Western type, check whether the seat is dry and undamaged. Don't be shocked if the seat is missing or is on toilet floor.

8. If there is a mug, there will be an anti-theft chain attached to it; ensure that this chain is not too short for the mug to be effectively moved around after the 'job'.

9. When you have finished the above checks, you may start on the 'job', unless the checks have taken so long that the train has come to a halt at some station. If the train has halted at a station, please control yourself and wait until the train is on the move again.

It may often happen that the toilet does not pass the above checks. In that case, you have the following options:

1. Cancel your journey.

2. Control yourself till you reach your destination.

3. Go by air (and suitably edit this manual for airline toilets).

4. Be practical and use the toilet anyway.

5. Be practical, use the toilet anyway, and hope optimistically that the Indian Railways top brass will clean up their act.

After reading the training manual I have some simple suggestions, which are ridiculously easy to implement:

1. Train toilets should be routinely checked by railway housekeeping supervisors at a few stations along the route.

2. Just like there are flying squads to check tickets, there should be surprise housekeeping checks in trains and in waiting rooms.

3. Railway authorities spend a lot of time trying to keep railway premises clean. However, unhygienic toilets are more dangerous than dirty buildings and platforms.

There is so much talk now of a SWACHH BHARAT, a clean India. How can this possibly happen when the Indian Railways – the country’s largest and most widespread public body – is so disgustingly careless about its public toilets? Swachh Bharat should include Swachh Indain Railways toilets.

The most illustrious passenger of the Indian Railways is now a mascot of India’s Clean India campaign. Would he have approved of such toilets? His name was Mahatma Gandhi.

One affected indian Bakra/bakri in the service of the people of India.